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  Nilsemann - 04. Oct 2006 kl. 22:32 * IP
Golfhumor!
Nei, kjære meddebattanter og -onkler! Nu er det på tide med litt humor igjen. Noen som sitter på noen virkelig gode golfhistorier og -vitser?
Jeg starter med en kort en:
Once there where two golfclubs on a bar. The first on asked for a Vodka Martini, and then the Bartender asked the other one "What would you like?", "Nothing, I'm a DRIVER"
("Don't drink and drive... Don't even putt! " Dean Martin)
En golfer skal en runde med sin trener og sier til ham:
-Hvis ikke spillet går bra i dag, så drukner jeg mig i sjøen!
Treneren repliserte: -Så lenge klarer du ikke å holde hodet nede...
:))
Nils
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  Don Pedro (05. Oct 2006 11:34) * IP
Min lege har sagt at jeg ikke kan spille mere golf!
Javel,har han sett deg spille?
  bdk (05. Oct 2006 13:29) * IP
En spiller er ute og spiller sammen med en caddie. Han spiller skikkelig dårlig og etter noen hull sier han:" Jeg har aldri spilt så dårlig før."
Caddien svarer tørt: "Jasså, så du har spilt før."
  Dilter (05. Oct 2006 19:24) * IP
Navn på golfslag
An Adolf - taking two shots in a bunker
An Arthur Scargill - great strike but a poor result
A Rodney King - over-clubbed
An O.J. Simpson - shouldn't have, but got away with it
A Condom - safe but didn't feel right
An elephant's arsehole - it's high; and it stinks
An IRA shot - a provisional
A Diego Maradonna - nasty five footer
A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read
A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight, but it wasn't
A Cuban - needs one more revolution
A Glen Miller - kept low and didn't make it over the water
A Marilyn Monroe - a fair crack up the middle
A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver
A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver
A Michael Jackson - fading away
An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result
A Vinnie Jones - nasty kick when you're not expecting it
A Tony Blair - too much spin
A Bin Laden - driven out and never to be found again
A Jamie Oliver - you really want to smack it but you can't
  ttsan (05. Oct 2006 19:34) * IP
jesus maria i gamesmanship III-traaden.
  KoLD (05. Oct 2006 20:53) * IP
A Dennis Wise - a very nasty little five footer
A Kate Winslett - a bit fat but otherwise perfect
A sister-in-law - up there, but I know that I shouldn't be
A Tony Blair - Deep inside the Bush
A ladyboy - Looks easy but all may not be that it seems
A Brazilian - shaved the hole
A Douglas Bader - looks good in the air, but no legs
ttsan (05. Oct 2006 21:08) * IP
Vennene til jesus maria i gamesmanship III-tråden.
  jesus maria (05. Oct 2006 21:41) * IP
heisann der funket å-tasten din!
mazeltov!
ttsan (05. Oct 2006 22:12) * IP
OK, tok bryet med copy and paste, selv om det oedelegger flyten i skriveriet!
Mer humor:
Medieraadgiveren som opplyser om at man kan bli oppfattet som bedreviter naar man skriver at "Tango for to" er en flott laat.
  Nope (05. Oct 2006 22:53) * IP
Er det lusent aa ignorere ttsan eller boer man leke med ham?
Nilsemann (05. Oct 2006 23:13) * IP
Bill came home from golfing well after dark. His wife, Sally, asked him where had he been for such a long time. He told her that after his 8:00 am round of golf, he stopped to help a gorgeous blond with a flat tire. He said that he went back to her place for a cool drink, and ended up in the bedroom with her all afternoon. Sally replied, "You S.O.B.! You played 36 holes, didn't you?"
Nilsemann (05. Oct 2006 23:26) * IP
2 eldre herrer spilte golf. De var tydelig av den gamle skole. Sixpence og ordentlige golfklær. Da de ankom hull 7, som lå like ved veien, kom det et likfølge forbi. Den ene av de eldre herrer stoppet spillet, vendte seg mot likfølget, bukket dypt samtidig som han tok luen av da han hilste. Hvorfor gjorde du det, spurte den andre herren. Jo - svarte han, jeg har tross alt vært gift med henne i 45 år.
  LAM (05. Oct 2006 23:47) * IP
På denne tråden mangler vi innspill fra Erik____
  MC (05. Oct 2006 23:53) * IP
Ja, men ttsan gjør samme nytten!
  Asbjørn Ramnefjell (06. Oct 2006 00:01) * IP
Ikke glem at det er massevis av mer eller mindre god humor på denne linken: http://www.golfsiden.com/golfvits.html
  Sigbjørn (06. Oct 2006 07:49) * IP
Som feks :
Har du noen gang putta i en caddie ?
  Bølla (06. Oct 2006 13:24) * IP
En mann kom fra fest i de små timer og fant ut at han skulle ta snarveien over golfbanen hjem. Under veis måtte han tisse og stillte seg opp ved et kratt.
Men, mens han tisset så mistet han balansen og falt ut i krattet. Det gikk ikke bedre enn at han sovnet der, med lillemann ute. Utpå morgenkvisten kom det to morgengolfere og den ene slo ballen sin i nærheten av krattet. De gikk for å lete, og der lå mannen, men bare lillemann var synlig der den stakk ut fra krattet. Den ene golfere sa: "Hjelp, en huggorm!" Så slo han til med kølla. Da sa den bakfulle mannen. "Slå en gang til, for nå beit den meg i pikken!"
  sanctum (06. Oct 2006 15:05) * IP
The hitman
One morning, a man approached the first tee, only to find another guy approaching from the other side. They began talking and decided to play 9 holes together.
After teeing off, they sat off down the fairway, continuing their chat.
"What do you do?" the first man asked.
"I'm a salesman. What about you?"
"I'm a hitman for the mob," replied the second man.
The hitman noticed that the 1st guy started getting a little nervous and continued. "Yeah. I'm the highest paid guy in the business. I'm the best." He stopped, sat down his bag of clubs, and pulled out a fancy, high powered rifle that was loaded with all types of scopes and sights. He than asked the man where he lived.
Still nervous the man replied, "In a subdivision just west of here."
The hitman placed the gun against his shoulder, faced west, peered into a scope and asked "What color roof ya' got?"
"Gray."
Then he asked "What color siding?"
"Yellow."
"You got a silver Toyota?"
"Yeah," replied the first man who was now completely amazed by the accuracy of the hitman's equipment. "That's my wife's car."
"That your red pickup next to it?"
Looking baffled the man asked if he could look through the scope.
Looking through the sights, he said "Hell. That's my buddy Jeff's truck. What the hell is he doing there if I'm..?"
The hitman looked through the scope once more. "Your wife a blond?"
"Yeah."
"Your buddy got black hair?"
"Yeah!"
"Well, I don't know how to tell you, but I think you've got a problem. They're going at it like a couple of teenagers in there." said the hitman.
"Problem??! THEY'VE got the problem! I want you to shoot both of them! Right now!"
The hitman paused and said, "Sure. But it'll cost you. Like I said, I'm the best. I get paid $5,000 per shot."
"I don't care! Just do it! I want you to shoot her right in the head, then shoot him right in the groin!"
The hitman agreed, turned, and took firing position. He carefully stared into the sights, taking careful aim. He then said, "You know what buddy. This is your lucky day. I think I can save you $5,000!"
Nilsemann (06. Oct 2006 17:27) * IP
Sanctum: Ikke så golfrelatert, kanskje, men den var kjempebra!
Nils
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